May 2012 - South Florida Eating

When my father told me that we'd be going to Miami, I was pretty excited.  LeBron & Dwayne, South Beach, Art Deco, Mojitos...

But alas, in reality, we were actually staying in Hollywood (30 minutes north of South Beach).  I'd equate the disappointment to thinking you're going on vacation to New York City, but actually staying in White Plains, NY.

Nevertheless, I was a mature 6 month old (about to hit 7) so I sucked it up and went along with his version of South Florida, especially since I was still a little too young to hit up the Miami hotel nightlife on Collins Ave (and also don't like douchebag dudes who don't use the top 3 buttons on their shirts).

Hollywood is a lot more reserved than its more popular neighbor city, but still has a lot to offer in terms of local cuisine that my parents and I always appreciate whenever we travel.  I mean, who wants to eat at a "NYC Steakhouse" when you're not in New York?  Lame.

Billy's Stone Crab - 400 North Ocean Blvd, Hollywood, Florida
The first place we went for local food is Billy's Stone Crab who was smart enough to snatch the website domain www.crabs.com.  As you can see from the map below, it was a very short drive from the Westin Diplomat Resort (A) to Billy's (B).  It's about a 5 minute taxi ride, so my parents and I went for dinner one night.


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They have a very old school type of decor like you're stepping into a Vegas steakhouse.  It's excessively dark and the waiters are wearing shiny vests with puffy white shirts.  But the crowd is a mix of casual (some people were wearing shorts with their button down shirts - aka Southern Florida's version of semi-formal) as well as date attire (jackets w/o ties and dresses).  It was child friendly since they had high chairs, but given my predisposition to squirm around in a loosely strapped seat, I was told to stay in my stroller by my dictator parents.

Of course, you can't come to Billy's Stone Crab and not get the stone crabs.  For those of you babies and kosher readers that haven't tried crab, stone crab is indigenous to the southern Florida/Caribbean waters.  As their names would suggest, their shells are rock hard and very difficult to crack.

Also, like many crabs, they don't have a lot of meat in them, but they do have abnormally meaty claws that I find sweeter than other crab meat.  You can select how many you want, and also the size of the claws.  They can get massive, but given the price difference, the best value (meat / $ cost) is in the Medium Selects.

It's hard to see how large these claws were so my father took a picture alongside his abnormally short, fat fingers to provide some reference.  We also ordered some Alaskan King Crab Legs.  I thought they looked like giant spider legs, but I overlooked that part.

In addition to ordering a specific # and size of crab claws, Billy's also offers an "All-You-Can-Eat" option that goes for about $70-80 depending on the current market prices and the size of claw you choose.  The claw size price differential part never made sense to me since it was all you can eat anyway, I'll let the management consultants figure that one out.

My parents and I actually came back on the Monday before our flight home to do the All-You-Can-Eat.  My father took down a good 50-60 medium claws before all was said and done (easily clearing the $ breakeven point), but after the 3rd or 4th plate, the Law of Diminishing Returns kicks in and that' 40th claw just doesn't taste as sweet and you get tired of the same exact taste over and over again.

Note:  when we got there in late May, we just missed stone crab season, so I think we only got frozen instead of fresh of the boat, but they were still a tasty treat for a New Yorker.   I also hear there's been an abnormally massive shortage of stone crabs this winter that's been crippling the crab industry down there.

Taco Beach Shack - 334 Arizona St, Hollywood, FL

The other local Hollywood food we got was a much more casual affair.  Taco Beach Shack is actually right across the Ocean Avenue from Billy's.

As you can imagine, it's not going to show up in any Michelin guides or fine dining reviews, but it's a great meal for a very low price.  Perfect for a quick lunch before heading to the beach.

You order at the take out window and their menu is written on surf boards hanging from the side.  When your food is ready, a waitress will come by to drop it off to your table.  We sat in the "lounge" area (shown above), but they also have standard outdoor tables/chairs if you're feeling formal that day.

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For about $10, you can get a combo meal which includes 3 tacos, Mexican corn on the cob and your choice of either (A) rice and beans or (B) chips and salsa.

So if you like Chipotle, you'll love this place.